Do you ever feel like you just can’t get ahead? Today was one of those days for me.
A couple of weeks ago, one of my children sent me a text saying, “I want to be homeschooled.” Well, today I sent my husband a text saying, “I want to be home.”
I LOVE being a teacher…if I could just teach.
My eyes swelled up with tears today with my precious 6^th period class today.  Just thinking about how much pressure the county and state puts on these children, and the stress they must go through became an overwhelming feeling.  I had to stop explaining the lesson to compose myself, and I told them how I truly feel for them.  I guess if I didn’t care so much, I would get so upset.
I am a math teacher, and this is an “assessment driven” subject. It seems like we test the students like crazy, move so stinkin’ fast through the curriculum, and just pray that they can get extra help on the areas that they don’t understand.  Ugh!
I have about 140 sixth-graders come through my door each day. I get about 50 minutes with them, or less, and we rock-n-roll through the lesson. Being a sixth grader is an adjustment in itself coming from elementary school.  They now have seven teachers and often more homework or class work than they ever thought they would have so fast.  It’s easy to say “Put your big girl and big boys pants on and deal with it”, but there is so much more that goes along with their lives than we can imagine.  They’re still just kids for goodness sake!
When I reflect back on a lesson (not math necessarily) that I did with my students last year, (Please read “The Integers of Life” ) one can see the struggles that some (a lot) of these little ones bring to school with them.  I have kids with all kinds of backgrounds, various educational levels, and just “stuff” that they don’t just leave at home.
I can read and believe in Colossians 3:23, “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters.” I do work at it with all my heart.  I do want to make my Lord happy.  But these “human masters” (county, state, “Bill Gates” EET!) sure make it difficult sometimes.  If you’re not familiar with EET, it’s an evaluation system that Bill Gates has poured money into, and our county has bought into.  Now, I’m all for helping teachers become better teachers, and if you have to get rid of those who can’t or don’t teach, then by all means do so.  But, I see too many amazing teachers get worn down, stressed out, have sleepless nights, etc. all just to please the EETs of the world.  Here are my initials I’d like to put out there…LMT!  (Let me teach!)
Meetings galore, trying to have “stuff” up in my classroom and have them worded in such a way that the students could care less about (only for “EET” purposes), feeling like we have to “test for the test”…LMT!
Ecclesiastes 9:10 says, “Whatever work you do, do your best.” Amen!  And again I say amen.  But doing and being my best at school for 140 students means that other areas in my life must suffer.  I came home today, with school work to do, feeling like I am not giving my best to my children, husband, extended family, neighbors, yada yada yada.  When I feel like I’m failing my family that stinks.  (Hence the reason for my text to my husband earlier.)
As I sit here venting and trying to breathe in some Jesus, my daughter sends me a text. It’s a link to a website.  When I click on it I see two comments from former students.  The dates were marked 8/23/13 and 6/07/12.  The read:

• “Well I just love Mrs. Shuff <3. She is so freaking nice. I never seen her get mad. This going to be mine last year seeing her. Imma miss her tho 🙁”

• “ I love Mrs. Shuff. She is fun and funny. I will miss here 4 ever and always.”

More tears stream down my face. I needed that.
Philippians 4:6-7 reads, “Don’t worry about anything, but pray and ask God for everything you need, always giving thanks for what you have. ⁷ And because you belong to Christ Jesus, God’s peace will stand guard over all your thoughts and feelings. His peace can do this far better than our human minds.^”

• Dear Heavenly Daddy, I am Yours! Thank You. Please help me to not worry about the stresses at school. I am grateful that I have a job where I get to do what I love and touch the lives of precious children. I need Your peace to wash over my thoughts and feelings. They are all over the place right now. I know Your peace is so much better than my mixed up and emotional mind. I want to be where You want me to be. Guide me in the direction You want to me to take. (Could you send me a text message, Lord? That would be great!) Help me to be a light in my work place and at home. May Your love shine through me. I love You, Lord! Amen.”

 
Thank you for allowing me to vent. Well, I guess you didn’t have any choice in the matter. LOL.  God has eased my mind, and I’m going to go out there and give it my best.
My teacher friends, I love you and am praying for you. Let’s remember to just do what is best for the students.  LMT!
I pray God’s abundant love and blessings for y’all.

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