Dear thirty-years-plus-younger-me,
May 15th is a day that I will never forget. No, it’s not my birthday, nor my anniversary, but the day another day that is imbedded in my mind.
I was considered a “good girl”. I went to church and knew what the bible told me about sexuality.
When I met John, I was planning on staying true to my “church-girl” knowledge. We began dating and a few months later I felt as if I was “in love”. How could I not? He was tall, athletic, and handsome! I thought that having sex was the next step. In some ways I felt like that was how I was to keep him and our relationship.
Prom night of my senior year was just around the corner. I’d seen how prom night was glamourized in the movies. I’d heard how couples go away with a group of friends and have a fun night away after prom. In just a few months my boyfriend and I were going to be going to different colleges, and I didn’t want him to forget about me. I “loved” him, and I he said he loved me too. The time to demonstrate my love for him seemed perfect.
May 15th came and went, and so did my physical purity. I lost my virginity. Me remembering the exact date…that right there should give you some indication of the impact it makes on one’s life.
Now that I look back I see my weakness. At the time, I did not realize the emotional, psychological, physical, and spiritual bond it created and caused.
When he went away to a separate college than me, he took a part of me with him. We were apart from each other in distance, but we were also apart in our relationship. Our relationship had dwindled. We would try to rekindle our love each time we saw each other over the next few months, but in the end it didn’t work out for us to be together.
The emotional bonds caused turmoil for me for the next few years in my life. Breaking up and getting back together with a guy that was not my life partner nor soulmate. I desperately tried to hold on to what I had already lost. But since I had already lost my virginity, it was not a “big deal” to have sex with other boyfriends. This led me to three additional empty relationships.
Then something changed…I did not know it at the time but God was working in my life. I met a young man. We began dating and, yes, we had sex. It was not an ideal location, time, and space (in my college apartment). What I didn’t realize until much later was that he was a virgin. When he told me that that was his first time, it changed everything. I thought to myself, “Was I really THAT girl? Was I that causal and callous regarding sex and my body?”
Wow…only reflecting now, almost thirty years later, do I come to terms with the fact that by my choice of having sex, I robbed him, my future husband, of the pure wife he had always dreamed of. How selfish of me!
You see, as a teen, life was all about me. Through the years I have learned to be less selfish, to put others and their needs before mine, and more importantly to put God before anyone or anything else.
I am grateful that my God and my husband are forgiving and show mercy. If I could do it all over again, I would make a different choice…I would WAIT.
Ephesians 2:4-5 says, “But God is rich in mercy, and He loved us very much. 5 We were spiritually dead because of all we had done against Him. But He gave us new life together with Christ. (You have been saved by God’s grace.)”
People will say they love you, but God loves you so much more! I am grateful for the rich mercy He has shown me.
Sex is a strong bond physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally that is meant to be between a husband and a wife.
Please take my advice and save yourself for the one you marry, not only for you, but for them too.
Is that hard? Definitely!
Will it be worth it? Absolutely!
You can do it! You are a strong and beautiful young girl. Hold on to that “church girl” self and believe that God’s word is true. Don’t get caught up in the glamorization of prom night, college parties, or any other scene that you feel temptation is too strong. You are stronger!
Save yourself from the mental, physical, and psychological chaos having sex with someone other than your spouse brings.
Lovingly,
Yourself years later
