I awakened with a heavy heart. A heart that needed forgiving, and repentance needed to be made.
With my prayer door in front of me, lifting others up to Jesus, I could feel the Holy Spirit convicting me to admit and repent.
What was I thinking? Was I trying to be the cool mom? Was I using the excuse that I despise to make it all okay or not look like the goody-goody woman? Ugh, ugh, and UGH!
While listening to the Chris Tomlin song, featuring RaeLynn, titled Chase Me Down, tears began to stream down my face. With a broken spirit and a contrite heart, I confessed my sins, pleaded with God, and took a walk.
I walked around the house and found myself plopped in a chair facing the woods. With tears streaming down my face, I again prayed for forgiveness, then I began to ponder on the “why” did I do what I did.
There is a sign I painted displayed in our outdoor living area. The rusted tin sign has large orange letters on it that reads “Now what?” I knew I needed to get over it because God had already forgiven me, but I chatted with myself and said “I don’t want to do the ‘now what’ right now. I want to be mad at myself and feel guilty.” It wasn’t but a couple of minutes later into my pity-party that I stood up, took a deep breath, looked across the pond, and saw a deer walking out of the woods. As soon as I saw the deer the words “His mercies are new every morning” came out of my mouth.
The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning. Lamentations 3:22-23
Instantaneously I felt a renewed sense of peace, gratitude, and “now whatness”. Now…am I going to remind myself of my past failures, sulk, have pity on myself, and wallow in guilt, OR am I going to learn from my mistakes and bring glory to God? I chose the latter.
I shared my morning struggle with my man when we went on our daily walk. He had the response I thought he would have…one of “Oh, Stephanie, I haven’t thought anything about it.” I’m sure my kids will have the same type of response, and probably an oh-mom-eye-roll will be involved. I just hope my life will be an example to them of honesty and a deep love for God.
We are often harder on ourselves than others are on us. I guess that’s a good thing…that means that we sincerely were sorry for what we had done.
I pray that you too will know and be reminded that God’s mercies are new each morning. Forgive yourself. Take it to the cross. Now what? Bring glory to God.
Blessings to you and yours,
Stephanie
