I was recently asked if Tim and I ever fight. This young lady went on to say, “No, I mean fight! Like scream and yell and throw things.” She admitted that she and her ex used to have fights like the ones she was in question about.
My first reply was that I feel that young folks nowadays may think that being argumentative in a relationship (like the screaming, yelling, and throwing things she mentioned) is normal because of so many reality shows or other forms of media out there, but THAT is NOT the way a true relationship should be.
Sure, Tim and I did have our moments of adjustment when we were first married. We had to learn to communicate with one another, trust each other, and simply love one another. Yet…I do not recall “screaming or throwing things”, there may have been a raised voice here or there, but nothing to write home about.
My dear brothers and sisters, always be more willing to listen than to speak. Keep control of your anger. James 1:19
God gave us two ears and one mouth. Maybe that should clue us in that we need to “always be more willing to listen than to speak.” (Or “yell and scream”)
When you become a Christian, God filled you with fruit that should characterize the life of every child of God.
Galatians 5:22-23, But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self control.”
Notice that self control is on this list. It IS within you.
Ahhh…but what about the other eight characteristics listed…if you will allow that fruit to tap into you, your relationship will flourish. (Reread them over and over again if necessary.)
Yes, there will be moments in your relationship that your drive each other crazy (in good and bad ways..hopefully more of the good), and that’s okay. We don’t all agree in life, but we do learn to respect one another and appreciate each other’s differences. Thank God we aren’t all alike. As long as you have Christ in the center of your relationship, you will be fine.
Take those tough times to make you stronger.
Embrace those challenges to help lean on each other during more difficult times.
“My brothers and sisters, you will have many kinds of trouble. But this gives you a reason to be very happy. You know that when your faith is tested, you learn to be patient in suffering. If you let that patience work in you, the end result will be good. You will be mature and complete. You will be all that God wants you to be.” James 1 2-4
See? God said troubles will come. These are the times when your life of faith will be pushed to its limits, and you must hold fast.
When those times come and you just don’t know what to do? Ask God. That will make Him so happy!
“Do any of you need wisdom? Ask God for it. He is generous and enjoys giving to everyone. So he will give you wisdom. But when you ask God, you must believe. Don’t doubt him. Whoever doubts is like a wave in the sea that is blown up and down by the wind. People like that are thinking two different things at the same time. They can never decide what to do. So they should not think they will receive anything from the Lord.” James 1:5-8
Have your faith in Christ be your anchor. (This hope is like an anchor for us. It is strong and sure and keeps us safe. It goes behind the curtain. Hebrew 6:19)
Here’s the deal…if you are in a relationship that seems to emulate the heat of some reality television show, you may need to take a breath, reevaluate, pray together, and if you have to, go see a Christian counselor together. I’m no expert in relationships, but I can only speak from my own personal experience.
I’ve seen the good, bad, and ugly in relationships I found myself in. Through them ALL I learned valuable lessons. I must say that I am SO GRATEFUL to be in the one that God landed me in to do life with.
I fall in love with Tim each day. Yea, I can get set in my ways, but when I display selflessness, compassion, trust, and love, my focus isn’t about what is best for ME, but what is best for US.
There are couples that I know who have had biblical reasons to end their marriage, but God decided to do a work in their relationship. Their test became their testimony. It doesn’t always work out that way, but if you can both (key word both) find a way to forgive, love, and grow in Christ with one another, woohoo.
If you’re having issues in your relationship, I’m not in some of your shoes, and I pray that I never am. I just know that after twenty-seven (come October) years of marriage to my man, marriage is a work in progress. We just so happen to both love our “work”. Believe me…my parents were married twenty-seven years when they became a divorced couple, so I know that in a relationship you must work at it with your eyes wide open and never take one another for granted.
I pray that the relationship you are in is the one God has for you. If you are not married yet, eagerly seek His will for your life and the person He desires for you.
It will be a wonderful thing that if you need to yell…loudly proclaim, “I LOVE YOU” to your loved one.
*I just felt God wanting me to share this tonight. Maybe you are the one who God needed to reach tonight.*
Much love to you and yours,
Stephanie
(I truly do love doing life with the man in the photo. 😉 )
