Part 9 of the Purity/Virginity series: (Today’s story is from a college student.)
Last night my daughter and I rewatched the movie “17 Again” starring Matthew Perry and Zac Efron.
Quick scenario:
- Matthew’s character, Mike, is married (in the process of getting a divorce) from his high school sweetheart.
- Mike was a star basketball player back in the day and missed the opportunity to further himself in college with a scholarship due to the fact that he ran off the court when he saw his unexpectedly pregnant high school love leave the game, and he followed after her.
- Fast forward years later, with two high school aged children himself, quitting his job due to the fact that because of his lack of a college education he continues to get “passed up” on his job by younger/more educationally qualified folks, and Mike is now wishing he was 17 again to have a redo of his life.
- Wahla! He is now 17 (and the adorably handsome young actor, in my opinion, Zac Efron is now Mike).
- He’s back in high school, but now with his daughter and son. (The daughter that he had his senior year of high school.)
- Events occur… Mike gains respect and a relationship with his children as his friends… he’s on the basketball team…The night that he left the court years prior is relived…and marriage is restored.
One of my favorite scenes in the movie is when the now-younger-Mike is in the health education class. That day’s subject is on human sexuality. The teacher makes a sarcastic comment about how they are talking about “abstinence” but says how it is “unlikely for seniors to remain abstinent”, and then begins passing our condoms. Mike takes a stand (while his daughter is in this class) and announces, “We should all make a pack to abstain from sex. Now who’s with me?” The class follows his question with laughter. While the condoms are being passed around Mike makes a passionate speech about “making love”, “waiting until you’re married”, and “holding a precious baby girl in your arms”. All the girls in the class begin to melt and puts their condoms back into the basket. They guys were like, “what?”. A fight ensues between Mike and “his daughter’s boyfriend” after the BF makes a comment about his weekend ahead.(Click here to checkout a You Tube clip on this portion of the movie. Awesome!)
This whole scene made me thinking about a letter that I had received from a college student regarding virginity. I’ve been waiting on God to reveal the right time to share it with you all, and I feel the nudge that now is that time.
So, this journal entry won’t be about “a letter to my younger self” like the others, but a still-young statement, followed by some comments and scripture. These are her words/feelings/opinion:
As virginity goes, I hate the way society is nowadays condemning anyone who still is a virgin but saying anyone who isn’t is a slut – and I think both are wrong. I respect the hell out of those girls for waiting. My best friend is a virgin and she does not judge anyone who isn’t and I love her for that.
That being said, I am not a virgin. I lost my virginity summer going into my junior year of high school and boy do I wish I waited. I thought I loved him and looking back at it now I know I didn’t, even though I would never take back any of the time we had together.
It’s so hard nowadays in college with the pressure from boys and the alcohol being a factor. I have done it with a few other boys and yes, alcohol has been involved which I am not proud of.
I know the person that I end up with will love me no matter what even though it will be a hard discussion one day that we have talking about all of these things but I want to be open about it- from me and from him.
I don’t think less of anyone who has or hasn’t had sex, I respect the people more that have waited and I give them props on props.
I’m not very open about my experiences with guys, but I talk about everything that has happened with my girlfriends and we are all very open about it. Some of them are in the same boat as I am and some don’t care at all that they have lost their virginity and some are virgins. Guys are much more vulgar and even way more open about it. I have rarely met a guy that cares as much about virginity and sex as much as girls do and that’s a shame. I know some that respect women more than others but that’s also a rarity in college as well
I so appreciate the realness of this girl. Here’s some thoughts:
- Society does have its way of swaying people’s opinions about things, especially sex. Girls AND guys…don’t be conformed to the world. Romans 12:2 says, “Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.” You may think, “But I want to be with the in-crowd”, “Everybody else is doing it”, or “But he says he/she loves me”. Oh how your hearts tug for the longing of the acceptance of others. But PLEASE listen to me when I strive to encourage you to allow God to transform you! The things of this world, whether other’s opinions, sexual trends, etc., will change, but one thing will not change and last forever…God’s love for you and His desire for you to follow His ways and will for your life. (Hebrews 13:8, “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.”)
- Not-going-with-the-crowd can try your patience, test your faith, and yet make you strong. James 1:3-4 says, “For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. 4 So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.” Be strong! Stick with God through each step of your life. You’ll discover that you don’t need the acceptance of others. Only God’s approval matters.
- Don’t know what to do? Ask God. “If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.6 But when you ask him, be sure that your faith is in God alone. Do not waver, for a person with divided loyalty is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is blown and tossed by the wind. 7 Such people should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. 8 Their loyalty is divided between God and the world, and they are unstable in everything they do.” James 1:5-8. Be loyal to the one who created you.
- It’s not only Mike’s plea to abstain, but God’s. “For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality;” 1 Thessalonians 4:3
- So you’re not a virgin…change, repent, trust God to help you through it, amazing things wait before you (and your spouse). Will you be judge by God in the end? Yes! We ALL will. So why not soften your judgement by abstaining now instead of thinking, “Well, I’ve done it so I may as well continue.” No!
- Speaking of judging…I am so grateful to read how this beautiful young lady’s friends don’t judge nor does she. Judging is NOT for us to do, only God. Amen! “Ain’t nobody got time for that!”
- Alcohol…blurs vision and mind. Beware!
Now, I don’t know this girl’s current status, and frankly it’s between her and God, not me. I do know that I pray for her and so many others I know to follow God’s path and seek His will for their lives.
Thank you, oh young one, for sharing your heart and thoughts. I love and appreciate your realness. Praying for you.
Thank you, reader, for praying for all those who are specifically in high school and college to remain abstinent for sex, or to turn their ways now from ALL sexual promiscuity.
Thank you, virgins, for staying strong. Don’t let the comments and ways of the world get to you.
Thank you, God, for being forgiving.
Now, thinking back about the movie and it’s ending, he did make the same decision regarding running off the court, but now it’s because Mike realizes how precious his older life is and the children he has. Just like in life, we make mistakes/ooops/ut-ohs, but what do we do about it? In this case, praise the Lord the pregnant teen didn’t abort. She and the father chose to marry and make a go at it.
When life throws us lemons, make lemonade.
Yea, Mike played the what-if game. We could play the “what-if” game. But it’s dangerous. Don’t live in the past, it’s done. Embrace the present. Learn from the past. Live today!
Oh my, how I could go on and on, but I sense God holding me back. He knows best…remember that. 😉
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I pray that you will enjoy soaking up The Son every moment of each day. –Stephanie